CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
While still partially blinded by staring directly into a welding flash during a photoshoot in the Northern Territory over the weekend, Prime Minister Scotty From Marketing has once again caused himself yet another long-term workplace industry, as he continues his nationwide campaign of pretending to look like he’s ever had to break a sweat.
While ploughing through Brisbane’s marginal suburban electorates with a crew of photographers and cameramen in tow, Scotty thought he might try his hand at cosplaying as a removalist for 2 minutes of his highly-paid life as a career politician.
It was when he was asked to help relocate a 700 litre Fisher and Paykel fridge that Scotty From Marketing showed his true colours as an eastern suburbs toff who has spent the vast majority of his life ridiculing blue collar workers for not trying hard enough in school.
“Okay. Ready let’s go!” shouted the PM, as he bent over to lift up the enormous steel fridge that probably didn’t need to have been tipped onto it’s side in the first place.
The shutters of cameras flickered as the Tongan removalists caught up in this photoshoot begged Scotty to reconsider his technique.
Unfortunately it was too late. The cameras were on, his face was in shot, he had to be seen to know what he was doing.
“One. Two. Three!” he shouted
The hollow popping noise that followed caused one of the cameramen to faint.
According to SafeWork NSW, lifting techniques such as keeping a neutral spine and bending your knees or bracing your abdominals, are key to ensuring you can take part in hard yakka without causing yourself to suffer a lifetime of chronic pain.
The golden rule in any blue collar profession, however, is to not lift anything, no matter how light or heavy, with your back.
However, if you are a politician who’s entire election strategy is to get photographed in every worksite possible, and have never held a shovel in your life, then this basic understanding of manual labour may not be common knowledge.
Speaking to 2GB radio from his hospital bed in Brisbane’s Mater today today, Scotty From Marketing responded to his critics by admitting that he has a lot to learn when it comes to bending over and using his muscles.
“And If anyone inside the Canberra bubble wants to have a crack at me, they can, but they should know they are also having a crack at hundreds of thousands of Australians who have also slipped three discs while showing off in front of cameras ahead of an election that they are refusing to call”