KEITH T. DENNETT | New South | CONTACT
A real mover n’ shaker in the toilet care industry has decided pleasure himself publicly online this morning by posting a lengthy essay to his LinkedIn profile.
Having spent the last five months of his life working on the development of a new 3-in-1 toilet cleaner, local marketing manager Blair Branson has reportedly blasted his personal brand across LinkedIn in an act of self-congratulation.
Excited to launch a new ‘Eucalyptus & Lavender’ scented toilet gel which features active foam technology and bowl whitening crystals, Blair posted five whole paragraphs to express why the new product marks an exciting chapter in his career.
“Innovation is the ability to see change as an opportunity, not a threat,” typed Blair, leveraging a quote attributed to Steve Jobs which he had found on Pinterest.
“And I’ve always been driven to inspire my team, my colleagues and most importantly myself to seed change…” he continued before launching into a full blurb about why his prized toilet gel was about to disrupt the bathroom cleaning category.
Having written a full essay on the ground-breaking nature of his product, Blair then decided he’d pay his corporate dues and tag and thank 38 other random colleagues and company partners who played a role in the creation of the new product.
Witnesses say Blair appeared to be a complete LinkedIn suck up by expertly brown nosing his senior managers before feverishly praising his junior colleagues by adding, “I couldn’t have achieved this without my team of SUPERSTARS.”
Having spent the morning writing his manuscript of self-praise, it’s believed Blair decided to really boost up his algorithm by updating his LinkedIn picture with a new headshot, rocking a suit jacket over a white t-shirt to signal that whilst he was in bathroom supplies, he had his finger on the pulse of tech.
“Yeah that shot looks good, I might get 50 likes by the end the week,” he breathed, taking a sip of an Almond Latte.
“They might even feature this in the industry blogs…”