Guess They’re Not Doing Pride Month: McDonald’s Just Released An Ad Making It Clear That Ronald McDonald Is Aggressively Heterosexual And Only Sleeps With Hot 23-Year-Old Women Who Work In Marketing

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From Chipotle’s ¿Homo Estás? burrito to Mastercard’s virtual Pride Plaza, hundreds of brands have launched campaigns to celebrate LGBTQIA+ culture during the month of June. But it looks like one major company decided not to celebrate Pride this year: McDonald’s just released an ad making it clear that Ronald McDonald is aggressively heterosexual and only sleeps with hot 23-year-old women who work in marketing.

Alright, then. 

Rather than choosing to create an ad campaign featuring the personal stories of nonbinary McDonald’s employees or tying McDonald’s history into the gay rights movement, the global hamburger chain just put out a minute-long TV spot about Ronald McDonald’s heterosexual dating life in which he proudly announces that he’s “in it for the cooch” and that he prefers 23 year olds who work in marketing because, in his experience, “they’re always the good kind of crazy.” In the ad, Ronald struts down a busy city street at night with Grimace and the Hamburglar, running his fingers through his thick red hair as he says, “Time to get my dick wet, fellas. With a lady.” Grimace and the Hamburglar nod in assent as the three characters enter a busy nightclub, where Ronald immediately scans the crowd and whispers, “Oh, yeah, look at all this trim. Wall-to-wall smokeshows.” Then, as Grimace and the Hamburglar wander off to sing a song about french fries together, Ronald makes a beeline for a gorgeous young woman in a bodycon dress, unzips his yellow jumpsuit to mid-chest level, and says, “Hey there. Wanna know the one thing I like to eat more than McDonald’s?” while raising his eyebrows up and down suggestively. 

Yep, seems like Ronald McDonald is as hetero as they come.

A spokesperson for McDonald’s explained that the ad is not meant to be any sort of comment on Pride but rather just a small glimpse into the exciting world of Ronald McDonald, where everyone’s always having fun and the babes are young, waxed, and willing. “Ronald McDonald has always been a tall, strapping, red-blooded heterosexual man who loves nothing more than hanging with his boys, eating beef, and peacocking for the ladies in his tantalizing clown makeup and enormous shiny shoes,” said the spokesperson, adding that he’s obviously not putting all that effort into his appearance just to go eat fast food. “No matter what month it is, Ronald always has the same thing on his mind: slaying as much early-20s pussy as humanly possible.”

The commercial concludes with Ronald escorting a different woman than before out of the club on his arm, turning to the camera, and saying, “There’s just something so sexy about a girl in heels. McDonald’s.”

While there are undoubtedly many people out there who would’ve liked McDonald’s to acknowledge Pride in some way, it seems like the fast food giant was simply staying true to the long-established spirit of their brand and running yet another ad where Ronald goes around smiling and flashing his snazzy candy-cane sleeves and alluring face paint in hopes of catching the eye of a curvy marketing intern with daddy issues. Still, here’s hoping that next year they’ll do something to celebrate the LGBTQIA+ community, even if Ronald is decidedly straight. 

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